Welcome to the Roast

You nailed the captain choice with Haaland but still limped home with 36 points, just 2 below average. Chelsea’s 3-0 win was wasted on your squad like a free kick into the stands. Next time, maybe pick a captain that actually hauls instead of settling for the safe bet that barely moved the needle.

You turned Thiago from an ignored 9% league pick into a 13-point differential hero and pocketed an 18-point net gain without a single hit. That’s how you punish the herd while leading the league by 11 points. Keep punting like that and the rest will be chasing your shadow all season.

Your bench scored 15 points and you left every single one to rot on the pine. Richards with 8 points was your top sub and you still started the wrong 11. That’s not a bench fail, that’s a bench betrayal.

You Bench Boosted expecting 15 points but got a miserable 6 instead. That chip usage was less a boost and more a bench bomb, detonating your rank hopes. Next time, maybe test the waters before blowing your biggest asset on a dud.

You brought in Raya and he rewarded you with a single point like a bad omen. That’s the kind of jinx that makes you question your transfer strategy. Better luck next time, or maybe just avoid the cursed picks altogether.

You backed the right team with Enzo but picked the wrong player, missing out on Garnacho’s 11 points by settling for 3. Paying 4 points in hits to lose 8 points on your transfer is a masterclass in transfer whiplash. Next time, a little more homework and a little less guesswork might save you from self-inflicted wounds.

Thiago at 9% league ownership scoring 13 points while the popular picks flopped was pure differential genius. You didn’t just ride the wave, you created it and left the copycats floundering. That’s how you keep your lead unchallenged and your rivals guessing.

59 points with a Bench Boost and Haaland captaincy haul is a flex no one can ignore. Even with Villa smashing Bournemouth 4-0, you showed that chip usage can be a weapon, not a liability. Just don’t get too comfy; the league leader Oscar is lurking 5 points behind.

Leading the league by 11 points with a 54-point haul while the rest capitulated on captaincy and chips is textbook control. You played it safe with Haaland but spiced it up with Thiago, proving balance beats bravado. Keep that steady hand and the title’s practically in your pocket.