Welcome to the Roast

You started Salah injured and hoped for autosub salvation - Pau’s 6 points barely patched that hole. Relying on a bench rescue when your captain flops is like bringing a spoon to a gunfight. Sleepwalking through your lineup cost you the chance to flex harder this week.

You Free Hit for 44 when the average was 66 - that’s not a chip, that’s a participation trophy. Watching your rivals haul while you limp behind with a chip fail is the ultimate influencer content, just not the good kind. Next time, maybe don’t throw your best weapon into the fire before the battle even starts.

Backing Schade over O.Dango cost you 9 points - a classic case of backing the right team but the wrong player. You nailed the transfer window but your punt turned into a punt in the gut. Better luck next time, or just copy the herd and save yourself the drama.

Thiago’s 13 points were your transfer masterstroke - finally a move that punished the herd. No hits, just pure gain - that’s how you turn the chaos into cash. You played it smart while others flailed with their captain disasters.

You scored the highest with 80 points despite Salah’s no-show and the captain flop. Your Free Hit delivered just enough to keep you in the mix, but don’t get comfy - that autosub luck won’t last forever. You’re the king of chaos this week, even if your captain couldn’t haul.

You kept your 10-point cushion with 76 points, but your Free Hit captain Haaland barely chipped in. Villa’s narrow win helped, but your vice Salah was a ghost and Foden’s 15 points were ignored - classic influencer stubbornness. Holding top spot with that score is like winning a race while walking backwards.