Welcome to the Roast

You rode Salah’s assist like a champion but still ended up 16 points below the league average. That 35-point horror show screams bench rot and zero backup hustle. Next time, try not to let your captain be your only highlight in a sea of zeros.

You scored 39 points but left 13 rotting on the bench like last season’s memes. Dúbravka’s 6 points on the bench were your best bench asset, and you didn’t even start him. Bench fail so loud it’s echoing through the league standings.

Autosubs saved your skin with a sneaky 9 points from two swaps, including Porro’s 5. You played vice captain Salah smartly, but that captaincy punt still cost you 10 points versus the herd. Luck was your best transfer this week, not your strategy.

You nailed a solid 53 points without a single hit or chip, keeping the title race boiling. Chelsea’s 5-1 win fueled your haul but your Salah captaincy was just safe, not spectacular. Still, you’re the best of the herd this week, no green arrows but no shame either.

You Bench Boosted like a pro, turning your bench into a 13-point weapon and hitting the weekly high of 62. That 8-point cushion over Harry Daniels is comfy, but your Chelsea-loving heart must be nervous with that 5-1 win keeping rivals close. Top dog for now, but don’t get too comfy riding Salah’s assist while the rest of the league plots a coup.