Welcome to the Roast

You started Ekitiké injured and had to auto-sub Virgil for a mere 6 points—barely a consolation prize for your bench apocalypse. That 4-point gap to the weekly high is a brutal reminder that starting injured players is the fastest route to the bottom.

You turned parking the bus into an art form with 33 defensive points and a clean sheet hat-trick that crushed the field. Collins delivering 13 points while others chased goals shows your transfer masterstroke was less about flair and more about steel.

Selling Lacroix for Tarkowski and losing 4 points is the kind of transfer whiplash that makes you question your life choices. You bought less and got less—classic points repellent behaviour in a league where every point screams survival.

Backing the right team but picking Tarkowski over Keane cost you a point and a hit—brilliantly almost genius, if only you’d read the fine print. Next time, trust the cheaper option that actually scored instead of chasing shadows.

You rode the Kelleher differential like a boss, snagging 13 points from a 9% league ownership player while others slept on him. That 54-point haul proves sometimes the best content is ignoring the template and letting the casuals do the copying.

Collins for the win—your transfer masterstroke netted 18 points with zero hits, schooling everyone on how to pick defenders who actually deliver. While others chased flair, you parked the bus and collected the points like a true creator chaos legend.

Lowest score in the league with 47 points and a captain Haaland who barely outscored the average—welcome to the wooden spoon club. Your bench points were wasted and your captain pick was safe but uninspiring; this is the kind of performance that haunts influencer leagues.

72 points and a 4-point gap to the next best? You didn’t just win, you bullied the competition with defensive steel and smart transfers. Your Newcastle win vibe rubbed off as you flexed a green arrow streak and left the rest scrambling for content.

Leading by 39 points and still playing it safe with Haaland captain and zero hits—your 58 points show that top dog status means grinding, not flashing. A 2-2 draw for your Man Utd didn’t kill your momentum, but don’t get too comfy; the chaos is lurking just behind.