Welcome to the Roast

You sold Dorgu with his 15 points only to buy Gabriel who managed 8 - that’s a net loss of 7 points, a textbook case of points repellent. Your transfer timing screamed expert content over common sense, leaving you chasing points that already walked away.

You captained Haaland for a grand total of 4 points while your bench barely chipped in 7 - that’s a full 10 points below the league average. When your best move is not benching your bench, you know the week went sideways. Welcome to the wooden spoon club, where copying the captain crowd doesn’t save you from the bottom.

You backed Bruno Fernandes, a low-ownership differential hero, who scored 10 points to smash the popular picks. While everyone else flopped with the usual suspects, you quietly climbed the ranks with a smart punt.

You nailed the team to haul but picked Alderete over Mukiele, missing out on 5 points that could’ve padded your score. Close, but no cigar - the difference between genius and ‘almost’ is painfully clear this week.

You jumped on the Thiago hype train that sputtered out with just 2 points, dragging your total down to 35. One follower on the bandwagon and a total score that screams ‘expert influencer fail’.

You timed Tavernier’s arrival perfectly, netting 8 points with zero hits and extending your league lead. While others flailed in chaos, you played the transfer game like a pro and kept your top dog status intact.

Your bench piled up 33 points, nearly matching your starting XI’s 35 - a brutal reminder you left serious points on the pine. Bench fail of the week goes to you for turning your squad into a points museum.

You scored a league-high 44 points without any fancy chips, riding a steady green arrow streak. Even with Aston Villa losing, you showed how to grind out points when the chaos hits.

Leading the league by 44 points with 47 this week, you proved that calm, calculated moves beat panicked punts every time. Your Man Utd win over Man City might have inspired your steady hand - Haaland’s captain fail didn’t shake you.