Welcome to the Roast

You Bench Boosted and left your points on the bench like a bad pub quiz answer - 8 points when 22 was expected is a proper chip funeral. That’s not a boost, that’s a bench bust - your bench looked like a charity shop clearance while the rest of the league laughed. Next time, try starting your Bench Boost picks before gifting points to the bench gods.

Backing Arsenal midfield was smart, but Rice over Zubimendi cost you 5 points - that’s like ordering steak and getting a salad. You nailed the team but fumbled the player pick, turning a potential haul into a meh score. Next time, don’t just follow the herd, check the fine print.

You brought in Enzo and got 2 points while he racked up 66 elsewhere - that’s a jinx so strong it could haunt your transfers for weeks. Brighton’s loss didn’t help, but your pick was the real own goal here. Hope you’ve got a lucky charm for your next move because this one was cursed.

You scored 71 but left 22 points rotting on the bench - Dewsbury-Hall’s 13 points could’ve been your secret weapon. That bench was a goldmine you forgot to dig, turning a good week into a missed opportunity. Next time, start thinking like a bench boss, not a bench burden.

Mbeumo in and 8 points back - you timed that transfer like a sniper in a chaos zone. No hits, just pure gains, while others drowned in copycat confusion. Keep punting like this and the top 5 is yours for the taking.

Rogers with 10 points and low ownership? That’s a differential dagger straight through the herd’s heart. While others clung to Rice, you quietly pocketed the points and the bragging rights. Classic move from a manager who knows chaos is the playground for heroes.

Selling Szoboszlai for Rice cost you 3 points - that’s points repellent in full effect. You swapped a scorer for a meh and paid the price in your overall rank. Next time, check if your transfers attract points or repel them like a bad smell.

You smashed 78 points with a Bench Boost and four hits - a chaotic masterpiece that even the best influencers would envy. While others flailed, you turned chaos into cash and kept climbing the ranks. Just don’t let that chip luck fool you into thinking you’re invincible.

Holding a 58-point lead with 69 points this week keeps you top dog, but that Rice transfer is a crack in the crown. Your Man Utd win helped, but don’t get too comfy - the pack is sniffing at your heels. Keep the armband on Bruno and maybe, just maybe, you’ll stay king.