Welcome to the Roast

You bench-boosted the bench points and left them to rot on the pine like a forgotten sub in a relegation battle. Van de Ven’s 14 points sat unused while your starters barely scraped 56, a perfect storm of wasted potential and self-inflicted damage.

You scored 51 points with Salah captaincy but still managed to finish bottom of the gameweek, proving even the safest picks can’t save a shaky squad. Missing the weekly average by 12 points while your rivals racked up hauls is a brutal reminder that playing it safe doesn’t always pay off.

You backed Van de Ven’s differential punt and got rewarded with 14 points, while most influencers blinked and missed the memo. That 14-point defender was your secret weapon in a sea of copied transfers, proving sometimes the quietest moves make the loudest noise.

You parked the bus so hard with 30 defensive points and four clean sheets that even your Villa’s boring draw couldn’t spoil the fortress. Andersen’s 10 points showed you don’t need flair when you have steel, turning your backline into a points factory while others chased shadows.

You took a 4-point hit to bring in Semenyo and banked 13 points, a rare moment of clarity in a week full of hesitant herd moves. That transfer gain of 9 points proves sometimes you have to pay to play, while others cling to template mediocrity.

You scored a tidy 67 points riding Salah and Arsenal’s 3-0 win, but still couldn’t shake Andy’s wild-carded juggernaut. Solid but safe, your haul is a reminder that consistency is king until the chaos kingpin strikes again.

You lead the league with 231 points and a 9-point cushion, all while playing the wildcard like a chess grandmaster. Your cautious captaincy and steely defence make you the top dog, even if your Villa’s 0-0 feels like a dull footnote in this chaos.