Welcome to the Roast

You Bench Boosted expecting fireworks and got a damp squib with 8 points, less than half the average 23. While Man Utd celebrated, your chip turned into a bench funeral—hope you enjoyed watching those unused points rot. This is the kind of chip chaos that makes rivals laugh and rank slip faster than a defender on a greasy pitch.

You started an injured Murillo like it was a casual stroll and got bailed out by Estève’s 4 points on autosub. Sleepwalking through your lineup but still pulling a 62-point haul? That’s some lucky genius right there. Next time, try waking up before kickoff; your bench luck won’t always save you.

You backed Stach, the 2% owned differential hero, who smashed 15 points and left the popular picks eating dust. Ignoring the herd paid off big time, proving sometimes the quiet punts are the loudest screams on the scoreboard. Keep punting like that and you’ll be climbing while others copycat their way to mediocrity.

You grabbed the wooden spoon with 31 points, 11 below the league average and a full 41 behind the weekly high. Salah’s 10 points weren’t enough to save you from a bench apocalypse that left you floundering at the bottom. When your bench outscored starters and you still can’t break 40, it’s time to rethink the whole strategy.

You nailed the timing with Senesi, banking 9 points without a hit and showing the herd how to pick winners. While others panicked or copied, your calm transfer gained you points and respect. Keep that up and you’ll be the one others try to copy next time.

You racked up 17 bench points that never saw the light of day, a textbook bench fail in a league that loves chaos. Starting 49 and benching 17 points is like leaving money on the table while complaining about your score. Next time, try using that bench or risk becoming the league’s favorite cautionary tale.

You smashed the league high with 72 points, turning a Man Utd win into a personal highlight reel. Bench Boost activated and you still flexed harder than most, though your favorite team’s win just added salt to the injury for rivals. Keep hauling like that and the top dogs will have to start worrying about you.

You held the top spot with 66 points and a 17-point cushion, proving the leader’s crown isn’t just luck. Even with Villa’s dull 1-1, your Bench Boost and Salah captaincy kept you cruising while others floundered in chip chaos. Stay sharp or those chasing you will feast on your mistakes like hungry vultures.