Welcome to the Roast

You nailed backing Newcastle midfield but picked Gordon over Bruno G. and handed out 11 points to your rivals. Bruno’s 14 points made your 3 look like a training run, so next time, don’t just back the team—back the right player.

You timed Gabriel’s arrival perfectly and pocketed a neat 9-point haul with zero hits. While others flailed, you turned transfer whiplash into a masterstroke and kept your 15-point title gap intact.

Bench Boost was supposed to be your glory moment but ended as a bench apocalypse with just 8 points. You left 4 points on the table versus expectation, proving chips can’t save a shaky lineup.

You scored the league’s lowest with 51 despite Haaland’s usual 16-point captain haul. Looks like even the best captain can’t drag you out of the mud when the rest of your team tanks.

You rode Gvardiol’s 12 points like a true maverick and smashed the weekly high with 80 points. While the herd copied Haaland, your differential hit made you the real headline and a nightmare for copycats.

80 points and a perfect differential hit? You didn’t just play the gameweek, you owned it. Arsenal’s 2-0 win was the cherry on top while the rest scrambled to keep up.

You kept your cool and the top spot with 65 points, riding Haaland’s 16-point haul and a tidy Gabriel transfer. Aston Villa’s win helped, but don’t get cocky—15 points is a lead, not a fortress.