Welcome to the Roast

You sold Bruno Fernandes for 8 points and grabbed Saka for 7, only to lose a point in the swap—brilliant way to pay for mediocrity. At least your favorite Man Utd won, but your transfer screams ‘content over points’ and it showed on the scoreboard.

Chip Funeral belongs to Pras United — Wildcard landed 66 — 66 vs 73 league average.

You nailed the differential with Woltemade’s 8 points and a 77 total haul, while the herd missed the memo. Wildcarding into a haul like that is like sneaking into the VIP lounge unnoticed—nice work making the template look basic.

Backing Saka over Trossard cost you 3 points and a chunk of dignity—close, but no cigar. You picked the right team to haul but the wrong player, turning a potential flex into a ‘better luck next time’ highlight reel.

You sat on a 17-point bench while your starting XI managed 60, a classic ‘why bother’ bench apocalypse. Brighton won but your team lost the plot spectacularly, leaving you bottom and begging for mercy.

Starting injured Enzo and relying on Xhaka’s autosub netting 5 points was a rookie sleepwalk moment. Your wildcard haul was great but that injury blunder nearly turned a flex into a facepalm.

You crushed it with 96 points on a Bench Boost, turning Arsenal’s 1-0 win into pure FPL gold. No green arrow streak but with that haul and a 7-point gap to second, you’re the one making the noise this week.

You’re top dog with 504 points and a 7-point cushion, but that 67-point week and a bench full of unused points screams ‘playing it safe.’ Aston Villa’s win helped, but don’t get too comfy—Oscar’s Bench Boost haul is breathing down your neck.